Thursday, July 29, 2010

Cats are responsible for 95.2% of the world's false drug possession arrests

Before I actually start my post, I want to complain about Blogger and its fail comment system. My last post says it has zero comments...which is not true! I got a comment....FROM THE BLOGGESS! Jenny the Bloggess, who I love and worship, wrote a comment on my blog and Blogger says it doesn't exist! I'm deeply saddened by this. Anyways, onto the post!

I woke up this morning and started to get ready for work and I get a text message from my brother asking me to call the Boyfriend and tell him to hurry up because he's waiting out front (they work at the same place and my brother drives them there each morning).

So I call the Boyfriend up.

Effy: Are you alive? Mike's waiting for you downstairs.

The Boyfriend: Yeah, sorry, I'm coming. Had to vacuum the apartment first.

Effy: At 7am?

The Boyfriend: Well there are maintenance people coming over today and it looked like there was pot scattered all over the apartment.


The Boyfriend: It's not pot! It just looks like it!

Effy: So why is your apartment covered in fake pot?

The Boyfriend: It's catnip! The catnip you bought Roxy and put in a pile on the ground for her, remember?

Effy: Oh yeah, but she would've eaten it or rolled in it or something.

The Boyfriend: She spread it all over the carpet, it was very suspicious looking. I didn't want to come home to police officers tearing the apartment apart looking for my nonexistant drug stash!

Effy: Well I talked it over with Lauren and we agreed the apartment people wouldn't have thought it was pot, drug users are much more careful with their drugs and wouldn't have it strewn all over their apartment.

The Boyfriend: Because you're an expert on drug users, right? Being one yourself, I mean.

Effy: They are prescription drugs to keep me happy and not crazy!

The Boyfriend: Did you just say you're not crazy?

Effy: I'm not the one with fake drugs all over his apartment.

The Boyfriend: Okay I know they wouldn't have thought it was pot, but it was still horrifically messy. I seriously couldn't walk barefoot through my apartment, it was so bad.

Effy: I didn't make that much of a mess, did she knock over the container or something?

The Boyfriend: No, your genius cat just spread it out as much as possible.

Effy: Good girl! So smart!

The Boyfriend: Wooooow, thanks.

Effy: Hey, I'm just applauding Roxy's talent at making your apartment look like a drug stash exploded.

The Boyfriend: Well, you're an accomplice in all this.

Effy: I assure you, if the cops tear your apartment apart looking for drugs, I will pretend I don't know you.

The Boyfriend: Woooooow, love you too....

Effy: I'm just kidding. Obviously I'd help you run from the cops if they tried to bust you for drug possession. That's how much I love you ♥

I'm the best girlfriend ever :)


  1. Holy cow! You got a comment from THE Bloggess!?!? Niiiiiiice. I'm jealous. Slightly.

    I am going to take "good girlfriend" lessons from you, because I'm pretty sure I would act like I didn't know my boyfriend if he got busted for drugs. Even fake drugs. I'll try to do better.

  2. YEAH I KNOW! I was shocked. I think she only did it because she felt bad about declining my request to interview her (YEAH SHE EMAILED ME!) but it's still a comment FROM THE BLOGGESS!

    And okay deal! I'm the best at this girlfriend thing. My boyfriend doesn't seem to agree, but I mean come on, I offered to help him run from the cops that are going to come after him thanks to the catnip I indirectly spread all over his apartment! I deserve a medal for my incredible generosity.

    Anyways I think I'm pretty much famous by association now, so between that and the "good girlfriend" lessons I'm basically just amazing :)

  3. So does that make me famous by association since you commented on my blog? LOL. If so, then YAY!!!

    I've never really asked if I'm the best girlfriend ever, but I'm pretty sure my boyfriend would laugh at me. I get yelled at a lot for leaving the bathroom light on. Like hello, its just a light!

    P.S. I've tried changing my name 3 times to JumbleMash, but it isnt working, so please excuse the different names.

  4. ABSOLUTELY! But we have to limit the people who are famous by association through us. Or else everyone's famous soon and what's the point? :P

    I've never asked either, I just state it as a fact and he either laughs at me or rolls his eyes.

    I get yelled at all the time for leaving empty
    bottles of diet coke around the apartment, and then I try to blame it on him even though he doesn't drink diet pop.
    I say it's not my fault because I have to walk all the way (like 4 steps, its crazy) to the balcony to get to the recycling bin, and he should just throw them out for me.

    P.S. Yeah, Blogger's mean and doesn't like you trying to change things. Up until today it didn't let me set my timezone as the correct one. I think it's jealous of our awesomeness.

  5. Totally jealous...and for good reason :)